You try so hard and have the intention to be kind to your partner when having to a hard talk, but somehow somewhere the conversation derails, and now you’ve both said things you can’t take back. You both get so defensive that it feels like you can’t hear each other, and now it’s just a game of who’s going to win this one? You want to connect and try to make things better, but each time you try it’s just the same thing with a different context. You likely feel lost and incredibly confused after a tough interaction with your partner.
Sometimes when you’ve had hurtful things happen to you in your past it can show up in your current relationship. And maybe you know that’s happening or you’re not quite sure how your past may be playing into the current disconnect and despair you’re feeling with your partner. Either way you slice it, your relationship feels like a runaway train hurtling towards a cliff and each time you try put the brakes on it speeds up instead.
Painful things from our past can wreaking havoc in our current relationships, but there are ways you can rewire your old habits of relating and get back to each other.
Through relationship therapy, you’ll learn how to simplify what’s gotten overly complex. You’ll discover ways to interact with the old hurts differently so you can focus on the NOW problem with your partner.
We can slow things down. You’ll learn to parse out how much of your reaction is about past pains. You’ll learn to communicate with your partner what you really set out to.
With guidance from me, you and your partner will begin to open and soften with each other. You’ll learn when to show your belly and when to hold your ground, so it doesn’t feel like you’re in gridlock.
You can have the relationship you want, and the past doesn’t have to get in the way anymore. You both deserve deep and meaningful connection with each other.
Still Not Sure?
Maybe you’re thinking, my partner thinks couples therapy will just make things worse. They don’t want to come. Well, your partner’s right to a degree. Sometimes in therapy things feel worse before they get better, and all along the way you’ll both be learning tools to cope with the “worse”. We don’t heal by avoiding our hurts, we heal by walking through them together, in relationship. You are capable of doing the hard things that create more joy and a deeper connection.
Maybe you’re afraid I’ll take sides and we’ll gang up on you. That’s not my place as your therapist. I’m not referee. It’s important to me to do my best to understand both of you and help you communicate what you really want to, to your partner. In fact, the goal is for you to speak with your partner most of the time. I may educate as needed or help you get words around what you want to say, but we’ll leave the refereeing to sports.
Maybe one or both of you is worried about the amount of time and money it may take. Truly, how much time and money have you wasted getting into these battle royales? Seriously, take stock. How much have you spent on booze, shopping, or food to cope with the pain only to have it happen again? How much time have you both spent trying your damndest to make it work and it’s just not? If the answer is “too much” or “fuck, I don’t even know” then couples counseling with me may just be time and money well spent. We will begin by setting goals and will continue to monitor progress all along the way. Sessions will start and end with intention to work on what you came here to do. I am as invested in your success as you are.